Job Application: Federal Reserve

Hey guys, I was hired by the Federal Reserve Bank to come up with a comprehensible application for jobs rarely offered to serfs, whoops, I mean the general public.  -->

Application for Employment at the Federal Reserve Bank

Please circle Yes or No

                                                                                         

1. Is absolute power over the world your goal?   Y    N                                     

2. Are you prejudice against everyone except white supremists? Y   N                       

3. Do you venerate religion only because it’s existence controls and soothes the masses? Y   N

4. Are you indifferent to adverse climate change caused by industrialization?  Y     N

5. Can you lie convincingly and with poise? (IF YES, THEN SEE B, BELOW).   Y    N

6. Do pictures of starving and sick children make you yawn?   Y    N

7. Is advertising and consumerism a way to make billions and dupe the general public?Y     N

8. Do you feel that the middle class people exist only to be your serfs?  Y    N

9. Do you consider the Bill of Rights and US Constitution to be more like “guidelines" than  rights? Y     N                                  

10. Is war a way for you to generate more income and gain control of the world?   Y    N

11. Will you print more money just so that everyone can buy more of your products?  Y   N

12. Do you consider specie annihilation an inevitable by product of progress?   Y    N

13. Is contaminating food and fresh water supply okay as long as it doesn’t kill everybody immediately and folks are still around for a few more years to buy your products?  Y    N

14. Are you willing to pit US citizens against each other in pointless bipartisan arguments, because, it doesn’t matter anyway since this institution has absolute power?  Y   N

15. Do you think you’re smarter than…well…everybody?   Y   N

SCORE:

A. If you answered NO to all of these questions, just go back to your regular job, pay taxes to support us, don’t expect your retirement to be sufficient, and BUY, BUY, BUY!

B. If your yes count was 6 – 10 (yes on question 5 required), you don’t qualify for the job, but may be eligible for a political position. See our Campaign Dept for application..

C. If you answered yes to 13 questions, you don’t qualify for the job, but may qualify for a CEO of one of our many diverse companies, which will eventually dominate the world economy (don’t bother starting a small business, we will consume it anyway).

D. If you answered yes to all the above questions, then you will be considered for a position. If we found out you lied on your application, you are a shoe-in!